True Blood: The Musical Revue - Jessica

I realize that I tempt fate by writing song lyrics for an ongoing project whose characters are in flux, knowing full well that something may happen on a Sunday night to render my work irrelevant. Ah, so be it. For those of you who think these postings should deal with more timely source material, here's the first in a series of True Blood musical soliloquies, coming from a character who has become one of my favorites -- tortured teen vampire Jessica. (Keeping with my custom of only choosing songs from Broadway shows, my choices from my beloved Bacharach / David are limited to only one tuner - Promises, Promises - so I have to choose wisely and well. I was taken by how this re-purposes the song's title. What in the show is delivered with the sub-text "I won't fall in love" becomes here "I can't fall in love.")

(Sung to the tune of "I'll Never Fall in Love Again")

What do you get when you fall in love?
When you’re a vamp, you just get trouble
Then be a teen, it seems like double
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

How do you feel when you kiss a boy?
When you got fangs, just like a sinner
Then, in a snap, he looks like dinner
I’ll never fall in love again
Dontcha know that I’ll never fall in love again.

Don’t tell me that it’s all a phase
I’ll be like this till the end of days
Don’t you let Twilight try to sell you
That is why I’m singin’ to tell you

What do you get when you fall in love?
A pain in the heart no stake could rival
Chewing on boys for your survival
I’ll never fall in love again
No, no, I’ll never fall in love again

Don’t tell me how a love could be
‘cause I can’t lose my virginity
All the sweet boys will only scorn you
That is why I’m singin’ to warn you

What do you get when you fall in love?
A boy who’s content to be your buddy
Cry in your sleep, your pillow’s bloody
I’ll never fall in love again
Dontcha know I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again