Exorcist: The Musical - Ellen's Lament

A few points to make before we get to the lyrics of this next offering -

1) At one point during this project I had decided that all of the songs for one spoofed movie would all come from the same musical, and clearly you can see that my initial inspiration was "Oklahoma!" for The Exorcist. However, I soon decided that this was an unnecessary restriction on my part, especially when I found that there were songs from other musicals that would work too well for me to discard -- and this one was the decisive factor.

2) In Frank Jacobs' Mad Magazine parodies, he would invariably have the actors portraying the roles step out of character to provide a meta-commentary their involvement with the project. This goes beyond "breaking the fourth wall," and was really ahead of its time, demonstrating clever knowledge of the industry and never pandering to the viewer (or in Jacobs' case, reader). I'm keeping that convention for special moments, and promise not to abuse it.

3) For those unfamiliar with the making of The Exorcist, William Friedkin was famous for pushing his performers to extremes to get extreme results. In one bedroom sequence, Burstyn is flung across the room and strikes the wall, crying out in pain. The director wasn't satisfied with the level of realism he was getting from her, and instructed the harness operators to yank the mechanism as hard as they could. The moment captured on film is real; Burstyn's wail of anguish is genuine, and the actress says that she still deals with the aftermath of the injury to this day. I say up front that these lyrics are merely offered as parody, as I have the utmost respect for Ms. Burstyn, and in no way wish to make light of her injury or its aftermath; they should be sung with all the rue and pathos of Desiree in "A Little Night Music."

(Sung to the tune of "Send in the Clowns")

Isn't it rich?
Aren't we a pair?
Me here in pain on the ground
Blair in mid-air
Send in the crowds

Am I in shock?
What did I prove?
Thought I could do my own stunts
Now I can't move
All for the crowds
Send in the crowds

Started the scene, opened the door
Showed great emotion, but no, Friedkin wanted much more
Tightened the harness so firm that I let out a yelp
Where am I now?
Calling for help

Wasn't I warned
It could be so?
Hackman said he almost bought it
Two years ago
But we love the crowds
Send in the crowds

For my next role
Won't it be bliss?
Martin Scorsese would never treat someone like this
I'll win an Oscar for "Alice" and then turn the page
Hope I can walk
Up to the stage

Don't you love Horror?
Don't you love fear?
How come I wanted to do this to my career?
It's all for the crowds
They'll send the crowds
Now...give me that beer!