Little Shop of Gaga

We interrupt our regularly-scheduled Exorcist: The Musical postings for a little side-step of a more contemporary nature. My good friend Jack is opening this weekend in a production of Little Shop of Horrors in Chicago, and some time during the day today, the idea for this just popped into my head, and hatched damn near fully developed. As I've said before, my brain is lately demonstrating a mind of its own, and the muse must be served, damn the consequences. So, in lieu of the song, "Feed Me," feel free to interject the following, set to the tune of - of course - "Bad Romance." The girls (Crystal, Chiffon and Rhonette) take a greater role in this version than in the Ashman/Menken original. Launch the following if you want to sing along...



GIRLS
Whooa…
Caught by a bad ol’ plant
Whooa…
Caught by a bad ol’ plant

AUDREY II
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
I’m such a bad plant (2x)

Don’t want your plant food that’s up on the shelf
Don’t want your fertilizer, eat it yourself
I want your blood
GIRLS
(Blood, blood, blood)
AUDREY II
I want your blood

Now listen, Seymour, you know what to do
You got enough inside your body for two
I want your blood
GIRLS
(Blood, blood, blood)
AUDREY II
I want your blood

You know that I want it
You know that I need it
‘Cause I’m a bad, bad plant

SEYMOUR
I’ll give you sunshine, I’ll give you the rain
But don’t ask me, cause you know I can’t
You get the pleasure, but I get the pain
And you’re nothing but a bad ol’ plant

GIRLS
Whooa…
Caught by a bad ol' plant
Whooa…
Caught by a bad ol' plant

AUDREY II
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
I’m such a bad plant

Cut up your finger, and just let it drip
Open an artery and gimme a sip
I want your blood
GIRLS
(Blood, blood, blood)
AUDREY II
I want your blood

Don’t wanna lose it? Oh, baby, that’s cool
Then go and get some blood from some other fool
I want some blood
GIRLS
(Blood, blood, blood)
AUDREY II
I need that blood

GIRLS
You know that he wants it
You know that he needs it
He’s just a bad, bad plant

SEYMOUR
Me kill somebody to bring you a meal?
Oh, that’s crazy, and you know I can’t
Sure, I may beg, borrow, possibly steal
But not murder for a bad ol’ plant

(Repeat Girls / Audrey chorus)

GIRLS (chanting)
A, B, AB, O
You know that he needs it so
A, B, AB, O
Look at how it makes him grow
A, B, AB, O
Do it fast or do it slow
A, B, AB, O
Murder is the way to go

SEYMOUR
You want some blood
AUDREY II
I don’t wanna be friends
SEYMOUR
You need some blood
AUDREY II
My life on it depends
SEYMOUR
You want a drink
AUDREY II
Gimme somthin’ to quench
SEYMOUR
Don’t understand…
AUDREY II
Boy, I ain’t talking French!
Let’s cut the crap
SEYMOUR
Feet, get ready to run
AUDREY II
Don’t take the rap
SEYMOUR
But it’s called Murder One
AUDREY II
Just find some guy
With a deviate soul
Who deserves to die
NOW FEED ME ASSHOLE!

SEYMOUR
All right, I hear you, you know I’m a slave
And your wish I cannot help but grant
I’ll get you all of the blood that you crave
But remember, you’re a bad ol’ plant

GIRLS
Whoooa…
Caught by a bad ol’ plant
Whoooa…
Caught by a bad ol’ plant

AUDREY II
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
I’m such a bad plant