See in the sky the eagle soaring Hear how the German Shepherd bays Smell when the bull responds to nature Out in the fields where cattle graze Now is the time I long to join the chase Now is the time I leave without a trace The human race
Soon I’m gonna change And you’ll see it Soon I’m gonna change Be prepared Soon I’m gonna change And become something new
Soon I’m gonna change Think and be it Soon I’m gonna change Don’t be scared Soon I’m gonna change Wish you could do it too
I’ll have four limbs like a dog Perhaps four claws like a cat Or grow a snout like a hog Oh, please don’t run away
After I have changed Then I’ll need you After I have changed Need you so
After I have changed That is when I dare suppose You’ll stay with me And hold on to my clothes
I may be big as a horse I may be small as a mouse Whatever I am, of course. I won’t decide to stay
For when I’m changing back Back to human When I’m changing back In my nude
When again I’m me Naked as any jay . Well, that’s the time you’ll see my art After all the years of practice, boy, I’m smart Carefully I turn and hide my private part Away
This one was just ever so much fun. More stanzas could follow. Please imagine extended dance breaks...
(Sung to the tune of "America")
REGAN Why did you call in an exorcist? I’ll have a ball with your exorcist Give it your all, Mr. Exorcist Back in the hall you go, exorcist
KARRAS Get thee behind me you Satan REGAN I hope you do not mind waitin’ MERRIN God’s holy power compels you REGAN I wouldn’t buy what He sells you
Think you can bring in an exorcist Look how I’m flingin’ your exorcist Your ears are ringin’ now, exorcist You like my singin’ now, exorcist?
KARRAS She’s just a child, have pity REGAN Go back to Vatican City MERRIN You will be gone by the morrow REGAN Why am I sounding like Charo?
You can’t defeat me, you exorcist Never will beat me, you exorcist Step up and greet me, you exorcist Then you can eat me, you exorcist
MERRIN Don’t give up, we may be winning REGAN Wait til my head begins spinning KARRAS God’s will is sure to take over REGAN I’ll give this room a makeover
Stop bible-quoting now, exorcist Satan is gloating now, exorcist It is worth noting now, exorcist That I am floating now, exorcist
Your fortitude is appalling MERRIN Feel how the temperature’s falling? REGAN Soon you’ll be meeting your sure doom KARRAS Who put this statue in her room?
REGAN You cannot win, Mr. Exorcist Save your own skin, Mr. Exorcist Once I am in, Mr. Exorcist Leave her to sin, Mr. Exorcist
I was hesitant to put this one up for a number of reasons. I'm definitely taking a tongue-in-cheek approach to these parodies, but the self-sacrifice of Godric has been one of the emotional highlights of the series for me, and I didn't want to diminish its impact with snark. On a certain level, the song that the moment brings to mind is perfect as is, requiring little adaptation or revision. Also, you can find bigger fans of ALW out there than me, and I just couldn't keep those bridges from feeling clunky, but then I figured - hey, the original bridges are clunky (singing the words "gutters, mutters"? Not pretty). So while this might smack of something that a 13-year old would write in her school notebook, I still submit the following...
(Sung to the tune of "Memory")
Daylight See the dawn of a new hour As the nighttime is fading Shadows wither away Like a sunflower I yearn to turn my face to the dawn I am waiting for the day…
Midnight Now my source of resentment I am weary with memory Sick of standing alone At each twilight The human souls collect at my feet And the wind begins to moan
Memory Once I stood in the sunlight I can smile at the old days It was beautiful then I remember the time I knew what happiness was Let the memory live again
Every moment Seems replete with fatalistic warning Vampires warring And the world ignoring And soon there will be mourning
Daylight Now I wait for the sunrise I must hope for a new life Find my strength from within When the dawn comes My life will be a memory too And a new day will begin
May my sacrifice preclude The battle that’s a-borning When humans die, another life takes over Now let that day be dawning
Touch me Eric, you must believe me You alone hold the memory And know what should be done Now release me It’s time I knew what happiness is
(Sung to the tune of "Better Far to Live and Die")
Oh, better far to be undead Than to live a human life instead My stately home, my glorious manse With a staff that caters me at a glance Werewolves see to my every need They love me when it’s time to bleed I hardly lack for nary a thing As Mississippi’s Vampire King
For I am a Vampire King And it is, it is a bloody good thing To be a Vampire King (2x)
Three thousand years above the ground Have made me the canniest king around For who could ever want to know The Vampire King of Idaho I seek a Queen to share the throne (But I fill that requirement on my own) For Talbot is as a wife to me When my scepter calls for TLC
For I am a Vampire King And it is, it is a jolly gay thing To be a Vampire King (2x)
You see, it’s incomparably great To reign o’er this Magnolia State And according to this plan of mine I’ll soon own the rest of the forty-nine When Wall Street is the last to fall (That shouldn’t take much effort at all) Then all will shout, “Hurrah! Hurray! The Vampire King of the USA!”
For I am a Vampire King And it is, it is a powerful thing To be a Vampire King (2x)
(Sung to the tune of "Another Hundred People" from Company)
BOB There’s a man outside my window on the wing of the plane I can see through the rain Wait, he disappeared - oh no, I think I see him again And he’s poking around Look, he’s ripping at a panel on the wing of the plane And he’s looking at me And I’ve got to explain Though they think I'm insane I just have to say…
Ev’rybody’s in danger Listen to me, understand The plane is in danger Must tell the crew, got to land
STEWARDESS Excuse me, sir Don’t cause a stir I have to ask you to re-take your seat and to please remain
JULIA I’m sorry, miss, he hasn’t been himself, he’s been under strain Gotta stop it, sweetie or you’ll wind up you-know-where again.
BOB Please forgive me, honey, I could swear I saw him standing there He was big and fuzzy, like a strange mutated teddy bear Do you have some Bayer, ‘cause I feel a pain It’s the one I get so often, deep within the brain Give me two, I’ll toss em back and have a glass of some champagne And I’m really wishing now that we had taken the train
(Sung to the tune of "On the Street Where You Live")
We have always lived on this street before But we’ve never seen such evil and deceit before From the neighbors who we once thought we knew On our dear Maple Street where we live Does your Chrysler start? Have you any lights? Why, I’ve seen you up and working late so many nights And your picket fence could be evidence For j’accuse on the street where we live And oh! The heightening feeling That our friends are not what they seem It’s such a frightening feeling That any second we could wake up from this dream Is it Commie plot, or attack from Mars? Well, we'll teach them not to tangle with the Stars n’ Bars Honey, grab my gun, ‘cause it’s time to run And defend Maple Street where we live
And of course, a coda from the aliens...
Now you see the plan? Pure simplicity Be selective when you cut off electricity Once they’re feeling stressed, nature does the rest As we take every street where they live
I realize that I tempt fate by writing song lyrics for an ongoing project whose characters are in flux, knowing full well that something may happen on a Sunday night to render my work irrelevant. Ah, so be it. For those of you who think these postings should deal with more timely source material, here's the first in a series of True Blood musical soliloquies, coming from a character who has become one of my favorites -- tortured teen vampire Jessica. (Keeping with my custom of only choosing songs from Broadway shows, my choices from my beloved Bacharach / David are limited to only one tuner - Promises, Promises - so I have to choose wisely and well. I was taken by how this re-purposes the song's title. What in the show is delivered with the sub-text "I won't fall in love" becomes here "I can't fall in love.")
(Sung to the tune of "I'll Never Fall in Love Again")
What do you get when you fall in love? When you’re a vamp, you just get trouble Then be a teen, it seems like double I’ll never fall in love again I’ll never fall in love again
How do you feel when you kiss a boy? When you got fangs, just like a sinner Then, in a snap, he looks like dinner I’ll never fall in love again Dontcha know that I’ll never fall in love again.
Don’t tell me that it’s all a phase I’ll be like this till the end of days Don’t you let Twilight try to sell you That is why I’m singin’ to tell you
What do you get when you fall in love? A pain in the heart no stake could rival Chewing on boys for your survival I’ll never fall in love again No, no, I’ll never fall in love again
Don’t tell me how a love could be ‘cause I can’t lose my virginity All the sweet boys will only scorn you That is why I’m singin’ to warn you
What do you get when you fall in love? A boy who’s content to be your buddy Cry in your sleep, your pillow’s bloody I’ll never fall in love again Dontcha know I’ll never fall in love again I’ll never fall in love again
Yesterday was Stanley Kubrick's birthday, and I was neglectful in noting it here. I offer the following to make amends...
(Sung to the tune of "Camelot")
It’s you! It’s you! The facts have made it clear The Torrances are perfect for us here!
A crime occurred a distant moon ago here A staffer gave his family the hook But there is nothing frightening to know here At Overlook The winter enters heavy in December But exits as a gentle bubbling brook The coming months are ones that you’ll remember At Overlook
Overlook! Overlook! It’s Colorado’s hideaway Why, at Overlook, Overlook You may decide to stay It feels a bit oppressive after sundown But morning makes the shadows disappear So let us take a look At every crannied nook You’ll find your home away from home right here At Overlook!
Overlook! Overlook! I know it seems a trifle large But at Overlook, Overlook We’re glad you’ll be in charge
Now right this way, our pantry is awaiting Just look at all the food that you can cook Eat ev’ry day, no dinner duplicating At Overlook (I can’t escape this feeling that I’ve seen him Perhaps within a photo someone took It’s best I made the effort to pre-screen him For Overlook)
Overlook! Overlook! And have you seen our famous maze? Overlook! Overlook! You’ll lose yourself for days!
Your tenure starts the first day of October Departing April First, so that it’s clear And on that day you’ll find We’re hard to leave behind Why, part of you may always be right here At Overlook!
Careful the things you say Anthony listens Careful the things you feel Anthony hears And knows Careful for what you pray Anthony answers Anthony looks at you A stare that could burn Through layers of wood Better to simply say “Ev’rything’s good.” Anthony listens
Careful the wish he makes Wishes are deadly You know the path he takes Under the corn The fields Careful the song you sing Any old medley You know what it could bring The horror it yields And how we would mourn…
Life here is good and well This is our Hell Anthony listens…
Since I've been using these intros to catch you up on where I am in this process, a few FYIs...
1) No, I've not abandoned The Exorcist as a source for musical material. In fact, there are at least two more songs coming in the next week or so. I'm just finding that certain lyrics are demanding they be committed to the blogosphere sooner than other, and I am ever their humble servant. Today's subject not to your taste? Tomorrow may be something different.
2) Please keep in mind that these songs are barely one or two steps removed from First Draft. They may undergo considerable reworking or rewriting once they're "up on their feet"...
3) ...as I definitely want to see these babies staged. Many of them are conceived with definite blocking or choreography in mind, and they are meant to live on breathe on the cabaret (or larger) stage. I'm pursuing avenues even as you read this, and if you are a possessor of a suitable venue, let's talk.
One recurring theme is going to be representative songs from a proposed Twilight Zone revue, the first being this plaintive entreaty from a towering, tome-toting Kanamit. This of course comes from the classic episode "To Serve Man," springing from the great minds of Damon Knight and Rod Serling...and now, Stephen Sondheim...
(Sung to the tune of "Not While I'm Around")
Nothing’s gonna harm you, not while we’re around Don’t mean to alarm you humans, panic or confound. We are a tenderhearted and peaceful race Why else would we have charted our way through space?
Take our gifts of science, dreams you’d only dare If you don’t abuse them, use them, they are ours to share Tho' we seem alien at a glance, take a chance. And you’ll find Nothing’s gonna harm you, not while we’re around.
Not to worry, not to worry, You may not be smart, but you’re not dumb We can do it, nothing to it, There is nothing we can’t overcome Forces joined as one
Kanamits are very clever But we’re always true In all we do We would never hide a thing from you Like some…
Kanamits and Mankind working now as friends Partnership that can bind Earth to undiscovered ends Come, take my hand and let us start, trust your heart, And you’ll find Nothing’s gonna harm you, not while we’re around
Needless to say, this song has a reprise:
We are here to farm you, cattle in the field No more need to charm you, our agenda is revealed Starships are waiting to convey you in style No hesitating, step this way, single file
Greater might controls you, you’re in for the worst And if it consoles you, know that you are not the first Think of the honor you should feel as a meal For our kind This is why we’ll farm you, long as you’re around
PS - There is of course a song that occurs between the two, taking the immortal "It's a cook book!" and playing out that moment with a song that originates from a more obscure show, but it's one of my favorites ("On the Twentieth Century" ) and is a helluva lotta fun. Keep watching -- I'm working hard to get it just right...
Over at Billy Loves Stu, my good friend, the inimitable Pax Romano, has kicked off a meme for Horror bloggers, and it's a fun one, so here goes. In his honor, it's in a lovely shade of fuchsia.
1: In Ten Words or Less, Describe Your Blog:
Good Lord, Pax, it usually takes me a paragraph to clear my throat! But since I'm trying to make Heart in a Jar more representative of my recent creative burst, let's just say it's "A work in progress."
2: During What Cinematic Era Where you Born?
A: The Classic Horror Era (late 30's to 40's)
B: The Atomic Monster/Nuclear Angst Era (the late 40's through 50's)
C: The Psycho Era ( Early 60's)
D: The Rosemary's Baby Era (Mid to Late 60's)
E: The Exorcism Era (Early to mid 70's)
F: The Halloween Era (Late 70's to Early 80's)
G: The Slasher Era (Mid to late 80's)
H: The Self Referential/Post Modern Era (1990 to 1999)
I was born in the Psycho era, but really grew into my tastes during the Rosemary's Baby / Exorcist eras. How I long for the days when Horror was everywhere.
3: The Carrie Compatibility Question:
(gay men and straight women - make your choice from section A)
A: Billy Nolan or Tommy Ross, who would you take to the prom?
(straight guys and lesbians - make your choice from section B)
B: Sue Snell or Chris Hargensen, who would you take to the prom?
At the time, I would have been horribly torn. Guys like Billy sure made high school an unpleasant place, so I would have to say Tommy. Today I'm just looking for "kind." And "sweet." And "intelligent." And "talented." And "versatile." And...
4: You have been given an ungodly amount of money, and total control of a major motion picture studio - what would your dream Horror project be?
I'm going to cheat, and say that I'd like to be Executive Producer of a slick new re-vamp of "Night Gallery" as an HBO anthology series. As luck would have it, that dream took a considerable step toward reality this week. I'm still reeling!
5: What horror film "franchise" that others have embraced, left you cold?
To tell the truth, most of them. Sequelization has diluted almost everything it touches, even back to the classic era. I like my one-shots, which is probably why I enjoy my Horror short and and to the point.
6: Is Michael Bay the Antichrist?
Hell yes. I tried to organize a flash mob dancing to "Xanadu" to disrupt the Milwaukee & Chicago shooting of the latest Transformers travesty, but no takers. Slack asses.
7: Dracula, The Wolf Man, The Frankenstein Monster - which one of these classic villains scares you, and why?
I'll go with Wolfie, as I don't imagine I'd much enjoy being eaten alive. So to speak.
8: Tell me about a scene from a NON HORROR Film that scares the crap out of you:
The last 30 minutes of "Miracle Mile" from 1988, right down to the slow drone of an early warning siren playing out over the tail end of the credits.
9: Baby Jane Hudson invites you over to her house for lunch. What do you bring?
Sheet music. I know I'm gonna wind up at the piano.
10: So, between you and me, do you have any ulterior motives for blogging? Come, on you can tell me, it will be our little secret, I won't tell a soul.
I started the Jar when I was laid up with pneumonia, I suspended it when I was laid off, and re-started it as I'm laying out a slew of projects for stage and screen? Notice a trend?
11: What would you have brought to Rosemary Woodhouse's baby shower?
A contract for film and publishing rights.
12: Godzilla vs The Cloverfield Monster, who wins?
Well, the radioactive halitosis sure comes in handy for the Big G, but what about all those nasty parasites that are running loose? Either way, I think we lose.
13: If you found out that Rob Zombie was reading your blog, what would you post in hopes that he read it?
How much I enjoyed Hellbilly Deluxe, and how much I'd like to see him return to the recording studio and produce a proper follow-up. Take a decade if need be...
14: What is your favorite NON HORROR FILM, and why?
Network. That dialogue, that wit, those performances, with a pitch-black satirical heart beating within its breast. And ahead of its time like few other films.
15: If blogging technology did not exist, what would you be doing?
Blogging jump-started my need to write again after years of inactivity. Let's not consider the alternative, ok?
