Friday, October 23, 2009

Poetry Corner - I Shall Not See SAW VI Today

I shall not see Saw VI today

I shall not see it, come what may

And if you're asking why I won't
Or why I shan't or why I don't

Then I am here to say to you

My patience waned with #2

And when they put out #3

I thought someone was yankin' me

And one year later, #4

Dear God, how can there still be more?

Next, 5 arrived, and who could dare

To blame me if I didn't care?

So here we are, another Fall

And I won't see Saw VI at all

See, Lionsgate is funded by
This turnip they are bleeding dry

Each year, each sequel is a lock

To further elevate their stock

Well, fool me once, the shame is mine

But six is where I draw the line

I'm sure he's nice, but
Tobin Bell
Can take his film and go to Hell

I'll sit and hope it comes to pass
That Paranormal kicks its ass

I know there are so many dudes
Who, on the day that Saw concludes
say, Bind them all as one, and let

Them go for purchase as a set

That way, when at the video store

There's only ONE thing to ignore

Which I intend to do this day

No matter what the ads may say

I don't care if it's Halloween
I shall not see it on the screen
I shall not see it with a crowd
Who thinks too small and talks too loud

I shall not stream it on the net
That is unlawful, don't forget

I shall not see it with a friend
Unless I want our bond to end

I shall not see it from my car

I shall not blog it for The Jar
Not in 3D or on IMAX
My presence will be what it lacks
Nor in a screening for the press
(Like that is gonna happen, yes?)

On DVD or Ray so Blu

It shall not join my Netflix queue
Not Showtime, HBO or Starz

If it's on Venus, I'm on Mars
And if it plays on my TV


Though to an hour edited

I'd sooner watch the ads instead

Go on, adapt it as a play

Although intrigued, I'll stay away

Not if the cast should start to sing
Not if the script's from
Stephen King
E'en if Scorsese you should get

Take back his Oscar statuette

I shall not budge, I'm resolute
To give each future Saw the boot

And that is why I'm here to say
I shall not see Saw VI today

So hear me now, and hear me when...

...I re-post this in 2010.


Anonymous said...

This is great... even though I went to go see the movie. Needless to say it was crap. Paranormal was amazing though!

- Austin

Amanda O'Brien said...

I lost interest after 3. Great poem!!

Wings1295 said...

I will see it on DVD
That is soon enough for me

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! I also lost interest after 3. Although I have read some surprisingly good reviews but I'm not budging. I'd rather go see Paranormal Activity again.

senski said...

I just saw Cirque du Freak, and now
I'm starting to re-think my vow.

Johnny said...

I love this! Awesome poem =)

Jeff Allard said...

Killer post, Senski! I will say that I saw Saw VI and - against my expectations - I liked it just fine. Not any kind of fan of the series but this one was a slight improvement over most of the Saws.

Patty Graf said...

Mr. Senski that poem is hilarious and amazing. You should be proud. I intend to quote you whenever talk of this movie arises. :)

I Like Horror Movies said...

Fantastic, far more creative than I would have been lol.. I just went with "Its Saw VI.."

Will inevitably buy it on DVD, so why waste perfectly good money now?