Heart In a Jar

Social Disease

2011-09-09T19:10:00.009-05:00

Film Review - CONTAGION (2011)
Screenplay by Scott Z. Burns
Directed by Steven Soderbergh

Yes, it was a generation ago when the film industry was all a-buzz about the forthcoming non-fiction bio-thriller The Hot Zone, Richard Preston's best-selling cautionary tale of the dangers of pandemic-causing viruses like Ebola and Hanta. A bidding war ensued, competing projects were announced, and the Spring of 1995 saw Warner Brothers' glossy thriller Outbreak, with a tony cast including Dustin Hoffman and Morgan Freeman. Pulpy and over-the-top, it provoked true unease only during a sequence where a cough in a movie theater disseminates the virus among the audience; when a flesh-and-blood patron coughed, my crowd broke into nervous laughter.

What a difference a generation makes. Now the same studio gives us Contagion, as serious and solemn a film as could be made on the subject. Unlike earlier disease-run-amok entries like The Andromeda Strain, there are no chromium-plated laboratories constructed in desert enclaves, no no leaps of technological faith. This is plausibility of the present moment. The film is committed, often bracingly so, to presenting the spread of a heretofore unseen pathogen in detail that is both panoramic and intimate in scope. I give away nothing when I say that, no, the disease is not contained before it exacts a horrific toll on humanity, and accolades and Oscars will not save every member of this star-studded cast.

Even before the lights rise on Scene One, we are put ill at ease by the sound of a cough and the unsettling typeface that tells us we have already jumped to Day Two. Gwyneth Paltrow is on her cellphone, post-assignation, and looking more than a bit peaked. (The entire movie appears shot through a thin veil of mucous.) Through a rapid sequence of cuts, we are shown the exponential spread of the virus, and how within days it is infecting Hong Kong, London and, for those of us nationalists, Minneapolis and Chicago. Paltrow's husband Matt Damon is a widower before the first reel ends, and that's not the extent of the damage done his family. The MEV-1 virus is a terrible swift sword, and screenwriter Burns (The Bourne Ultimatum) is also interested in the machinations that occur on the political, corporate and social network levels. It does not take long for Uncle Sam to discover that there are few protocols that are effective when the greatest enemy we face are the relationships that bring us together - along with our unfortunate tendency to touch our faces 3-5 times per hour.

That's what makes Contagion an odd endeavor, and ultimately one that's less than fulfilling. For all its attention to scientific jargon and intrigue, director Soderbergh struggles with the relationships that not only must power the plot but engage the emotions. There is much to accomplish here, and the film clips along briskly - perhaps too briskly - in an effort to mirror the spread of the disease. Jude Law is a blogger who stumbles upon footage of one of the first victims, and may or may not have found the cure in nature (think Laetrile). From his initial YouTube-spread home trial, we cut to a mob vandalizing a pharmacy unable to keep the substance in stock. The rhythm throws us off balance, and we struggle to connect to characters that are there to advance the thesis. When the film permits the audience a scene of emotion, it's as though it reminded itself that, yes, this is still about the human race and we wouldn't be in this mess if we didn't like to cuddle.

Considered as a pseudo-documentary, Contagion has greater impact. Many of the cast members have seldom appeared this fragile, even puffy, onscreen. Damon has taken on the additional heft of a guy who loves his Vikings and his bratwurst, and Kate Winslet is thoroughly de-glammed as a CDC employee assigned to keep a lid on a situation that has spun out of control before it has been recognized. And underneath my viewing of the movie, there is this amazement that it could be released on the same weekend as the decade anniversary of the inciting incident for years of national fear. How far we have come from the days when the Twin Towers needed to be digitally erased from Zoolander lest the audience be reminded of what it could never possibly forget. For such an abjectly grim look at global catastrophe, Contagion saves its most fearsome moment for the very end. It's the shoe-dropping Day One; the casual prelude to cataclysm has a more shattering impact than the scenes that precede it. Perhaps it's finally time to move beyond 9/11 fear. But then again, they never really did establish who mailed that anthrax in 2001, did they?

Your move.

2011-07-15T21:17:00.003-05:00

Great Comic Book Covers - THE TWILIGHT ZONE #35 (December 1970)
Artist Unknown

By 1970 the entire world knew writer Rod Serling through his accomplished teleplays for such landmark dramas as Patterns, The Comedian and Requiem for a Heavyweight. But it was his five years as artistic powerhouse behind the incomparable Twilight Zone that affixed him permanently in the cultural zeitgeist. As the success of this Independence Day's TZ marathon on SyFy can attest, he has never left. A recent tribute column by Maureen Dowd went so far as to include this epitaph: "Everything is Rod Serling now." Television's original Angry Young Man was a man ahead of his time.

But in 1970 I did not know this. Due to the vicissitudes of syndication, I never saw an episode of Twilight Zone until I was into my college years. But it was my favorite television series, despite never having watched a single installment. I devoured the paperback books that adapted Serling's teleplays into prose (even the Bantam anthologies that were "edited" by Serling, Devils and Demons and Rod Serling's Triple W - Witches, Warlocks and Werewolves), and did the same for the Night Gallery volumes when released. No, my exposure to one Rodman Serling came as the man who introduced stories for Gold Key's Twilight Zone comic book. Gold Key made their mark on the industry by licensing virtually every TV property they could get their hands upon, and in addition to publishing a handful of originals like Doctor Solar and Turok: Son of Stone, they also brought young readers new tales from series like The Man from UNCLE, Dark Shadows and Star Trek.

Twilight Zone was an anthology comic, one of dozens that filled the newsstands in the 1970s, and I have to admit; reading the tales now, the writers at Gold Key (including such comic luminaries as Marv Wolfman, Len Wein and Arnold Drake) did an excellent job of nailing Serling's approach to the series. These were not standard "spook stories," but were mostly set in contemporary settings and dealt with workaday folks who somehow slipped between the cracks in reality. In one noteworthy tale, "Fortune and Men's Eyes," they blatantly cribbed from Serling's Night Gallery teleplay "Eyes," replacing Joan Crawford's imperious dowager with a male character who meets a similar fate. And check that title! "Fortune..." was lifted from a Shakespeare sonnet, but also inspired by a then-controversial 1967 Broadway show about homosexuality. Oh, what they got away with back then...

But what drew readers to Gold Key titles were the rich, lustrous painted covers by such artists as George Wilson and Morris Gollub. (GK did such a poor job of record-keeping that proper credits are missing for most of what they published.) They had the appearance of paperback books of the era, and made me feel very adult when I slapped down my 15 cents for an issue. Check out the composition on this stunner. It was a common approach to have a large figure that was symbolically dominating a smaller figure, not necessarily a literal depiction of a moment in a story from the issue. Gold Key meant for their books to stand out on the newsstand, and they did.

One more element to the story of this cover: In 2004, just after I had finshed a move down to Chicago, I happened to be browsing through eBay auctions, and lo and behold, the original art for this cover was up for bids, with a starting price of $900. That would not have been a deterrent at any other point in my life, but having just relocated, money was tight, and the artwork slipped away from me. I still sentimentally covet one of these Gold Key covers, but this striking chess-themed beauty went to another (hopefully appreciative) owner. File it under "M" for "missed opportunity" - in the Twilight Zone.

Chris Udvarnoky 1961-2010

2010-10-29T15:44:00.002-05:00

"Holland...where is the baby?"

If you grew up during the early 70s, that whispered query can still raise gooseflesh, and much of the reason it can is that it was voiced by the talented young actor Chris Udvarnoky. Together with his twin brother Marty, they took on the roles of Niles and Holland Perry, brothers who were joined at the soul but separated by the grave, brought to life in Thomas Tryon's novel The Other and brought to the screen by director Richard Mulligan in a deceptively pastoral 1972 film. If you think that horror can only take place within the dark of night, this atmospheric and unsettling work will prove you wrong, its Andrew Wyeth color palette stands in stark contrast to the evil and dread that eventually consume the Perry family. And the answer to the above question requires the strongest of hearts to absorb. It haunts.

And perhaps the role haunted Udvarnoky as well, as The Other was his solitary film credit. The history of cinema is lousy with precocious, over-coached performances from child actors, their parts sounding jarringly adult because no one working on the film had the slightest idea of how kids really talk. But Udvarnoky's Niles feels genuinely ten years of age, able to whip up mischief in a moment's notice, while also possessed of a developing ethos that makes him feel guilt and shame. But after all, it's not Niles who is responsible -- it's Holland, right? Holland, who no longer walks the earth, but rather occupies six feet of it. It's a difficult part to pull off, and Udvarnoky is unforgettable. (He was also fortunate enough to have a frequent screen partner in the tremendous Uta Hagen, and the consummate acting teacher certainly must have offered him some pointers. However, it's a double-edged sword; he subsequently has to act opposite her, but instead of being intimidated, he enters into the spirit of every scene with the commitment and focus that only a child can know while playing "pretend.")

Word comes today that Chris Udvarnoky passed away in New Jersey on Monday of this week at the age of only 49. He had achieved success as an x-ray technician and an EMT. His were hands that saved lives, and while we might wonder what other accomplishments we were denied in cinema, there are surely others who owe their time upon earth to his ministrations. Reference to his appearance in The Other was missing from his official obituary, but in an eerie coincidence, it aired in the wee hours of this very morning on TCM. I'd like to take that as confirmation that somewhere his soul is soaring, like on the wings of a great black bird.

Somewhere, I hope Niles Perry is once again playing The Game.

True Blood: The Musical Revue - Sam Merlotte

2010-07-30T21:57:00.003-05:00

I like Sam.

(Sung to the tune of "Soon It's Gonna Rain")

See in the sky the eagle soaring
Hear how the German Shepherd bays
Smell when the bull responds to nature
Out in the fields where cattle graze
Now is the time I long to join the chase
Now is the time I leave without a trace
The human race

Soon I’m gonna change
And you’ll see it
Soon I’m gonna change
Be prepared
Soon I’m gonna change
And become something new

Soon I’m gonna change
Think and be it
Soon I’m gonna change
Don’t be scared
Soon I’m gonna change
Wish you could do it too

I’ll have four limbs like a dog
Perhaps four claws like a cat
Or grow a snout like a hog
Oh, please don’t run away

After I have changed
Then I’ll need you
After I have changed
Need you so

After I have changed
That is when I dare suppose
You’ll stay with me
And hold on to my clothes

I may be big as a horse
I may be small as a mouse
Whatever I am, of course.
I won’t decide to stay

For when I’m changing back
Back to human
When I’m changing back
In my nude

When again I’m me
Naked as any jay
.
Well, that’s the time you’ll see my art
After all the years of practice, boy, I’m smart
Carefully I turn and hide my private part
Away

Exorcist: The Musical - The Exorcism!

2010-07-30T12:57:00.003-05:00

This one was just ever so much fun. More stanzas could follow. Please imagine extended dance breaks...

(Sung to the tune of "America")

REGAN
Why did you call in an exorcist?
I’ll have a ball with your exorcist
Give it your all, Mr. Exorcist
Back in the hall you go, exorcist

KARRAS
Get thee behind me you Satan
REGAN
I hope you do not mind waitin’
MERRIN
God’s holy power compels you
REGAN
I wouldn’t buy what He sells you

Think you can bring in an exorcist
Look how I’m flingin’ your exorcist
Your ears are ringin’ now, exorcist
You like my singin’ now, exorcist?

KARRAS
She’s just a child, have pity
REGAN
Go back to Vatican City
MERRIN
You will be gone by the morrow
REGAN
Why am I sounding like Charo?

You can’t defeat me, you exorcist
Never will beat me, you exorcist
Step up and greet me, you exorcist
Then you can eat me, you exorcist

MERRIN
Don’t give up, we may be winning
REGAN
Wait til my head begins spinning
KARRAS
God’s will is sure to take over
REGAN
I’ll give this room a makeover

Stop bible-quoting now, exorcist
Satan is gloating now, exorcist
It is worth noting now, exorcist
That I am floating now, exorcist

Your fortitude is appalling
MERRIN
Feel how the temperature’s falling?
REGAN
Soon you’ll be meeting your sure doom
KARRAS
Who put this statue in her room?

REGAN
You cannot win, Mr. Exorcist
Save your own skin, Mr. Exorcist
Once I am in, Mr. Exorcist
Leave her to sin, Mr. Exorcist

True Blood: The Musical Revue - Godric

2010-07-29T15:07:00.004-05:00

I was hesitant to put this one up for a number of reasons. I'm definitely taking a tongue-in-cheek approach to these parodies, but the self-sacrifice of Godric has been one of the emotional highlights of the series for me, and I didn't want to diminish its impact with snark. On a certain level, the song that the moment brings to mind is perfect as is, requiring little adaptation or revision. Also, you can find bigger fans of ALW out there than me, and I just couldn't keep those bridges from feeling clunky, but then I figured - hey, the original bridges are clunky (singing the words "gutters, mutters"? Not pretty). So while this might smack of something that a 13-year old would write in her school notebook, I still submit the following...

(Sung to the tune of "Memory")

Daylight
See the dawn of a new hour
As the nighttime is fading
Shadows wither away
Like a sunflower
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day…

Midnight
Now my source of resentment
I am weary with memory
Sick of standing alone
At each twilight
The human souls collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory
Once I stood in the sunlight
I can smile at the old days
It was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every moment
Seems replete with fatalistic warning
Vampires warring
And the world ignoring
And soon there will be mourning

Daylight
Now I wait for the sunrise
I must hope for a new life
Find my strength from within
When the dawn comes
My life will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

May my sacrifice preclude
The battle that’s a-borning
When humans die, another life takes over
Now let that day be dawning

Touch me
Eric, you must believe me
You alone hold the memory
And know what should be done
Now release me
It’s time I knew what happiness is

Look
A new day has begun

True Blood: The Musical Revue - Russell Edgington

2010-07-28T17:42:00.002-05:00

How about some Gilbert & Sullivan?

(Sung to the tune of "Better Far to Live and Die")

Oh, better far to be undead
Than to live a human life instead
My stately home, my glorious manse
With a staff that caters me at a glance
Werewolves see to my every need
They love me when it’s time to bleed
I hardly lack for nary a thing
As Mississippi’s Vampire King

For I am a Vampire King
And it is, it is a bloody good thing
To be a Vampire King (2x)

Three thousand years above the ground
Have made me the canniest king around
For who could ever want to know
The Vampire King of Idaho
I seek a Queen to share the throne
(But I fill that requirement on my own)
For Talbot is as a wife to me
When my scepter calls for TLC

For I am a Vampire King
And it is, it is a jolly gay thing
To be a Vampire King (2x)

You see, it’s incomparably great
To reign o’er this Magnolia State
And according to this plan of mine
I’ll soon own the rest of the forty-nine
When Wall Street is the last to fall
(That shouldn’t take much effort at all)
Then all will shout, “Hurrah! Hurray!
The Vampire King of the USA!”

For I am a Vampire King
And it is, it is a powerful thing
To be a Vampire King (2x)

Twilight Zone: The Musical Revue - Nightmare at 20,000 Feet

2010-07-28T14:27:00.004-05:00

(Sung to the tune of "Another Hundred People" from Company)

BOB
There’s a man outside my window on the wing of the plane
I can see through the rain
Wait, he disappeared - oh no, I think I see him again
And he’s poking around
Look, he’s ripping at a panel on the wing of the plane
And he’s looking at me
And I’ve got to explain
Though they think I'm insane
I just have to say…

Ev’rybody’s in danger
Listen to me, understand
The plane is in danger
Must tell the crew, got to land

STEWARDESS
Excuse me, sir
Don’t cause a stir
I have to ask you to re-take your seat and to please remain

JULIA
I’m sorry, miss, he hasn’t been himself, he’s been under strain
Gotta stop it, sweetie or you’ll wind up you-know-where again.

BOB
Please forgive me, honey, I could swear I saw him standing there
He was big and fuzzy, like a strange mutated teddy bear
Do you have some Bayer, ‘cause I feel a pain
It’s the one I get so often, deep within the brain
Give me two, I’ll toss em back and have a glass of some champagne
And I’m really wishing now that we had taken the train

Twilight Zone: The Musical Revue - Welcome to Maple Street

2010-07-28T05:50:00.004-05:00

(Sung to the tune of "On the Street Where You Live")

We have always lived on this street before
But we’ve never seen such evil and deceit before
From the neighbors who we once thought we knew
On our dear Maple Street where we live
Does your Chrysler start? Have you any lights?
Why, I’ve seen you up and working late so many nights
And your picket fence could be evidence
For j’accuse on the street where we live
And oh! The heightening feeling
That our friends are not what they seem
It’s such a frightening feeling
That any second we could wake up from this dream
Is it Commie plot, or attack from Mars?
Well, we'll teach them not to tangle with the Stars n’ Bars
Honey, grab my gun, ‘cause it’s time to run
And defend Maple Street where we live

And of course, a coda from the aliens...

Now you see the plan? Pure simplicity
Be selective when you cut off electricity
Once they’re feeling stressed, nature does the rest
As we take every street where they live

True Blood: The Musical Revue - Jessica

2010-07-27T18:34:00.002-05:00

I realize that I tempt fate by writing song lyrics for an ongoing project whose characters are in flux, knowing full well that something may happen on a Sunday night to render my work irrelevant. Ah, so be it. For those of you who think these postings should deal with more timely source material, here's the first in a series of True Blood musical soliloquies, coming from a character who has become one of my favorites -- tortured teen vampire Jessica. (Keeping with my custom of only choosing songs from Broadway shows, my choices from my beloved Bacharach / David are limited to only one tuner - Promises, Promises - so I have to choose wisely and well. I was taken by how this re-purposes the song's title. What in the show is delivered with the sub-text "I won't fall in love" becomes here "I can't fall in love.")

(Sung to the tune of "I'll Never Fall in Love Again")

What do you get when you fall in love?
When you’re a vamp, you just get trouble
Then be a teen, it seems like double
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

How do you feel when you kiss a boy?
When you got fangs, just like a sinner
Then, in a snap, he looks like dinner
I’ll never fall in love again
Dontcha know that I’ll never fall in love again.

Don’t tell me that it’s all a phase
I’ll be like this till the end of days
Don’t you let Twilight try to sell you
That is why I’m singin’ to tell you

What do you get when you fall in love?
A pain in the heart no stake could rival
Chewing on boys for your survival
I’ll never fall in love again
No, no, I’ll never fall in love again

Don’t tell me how a love could be
‘cause I can’t lose my virginity
All the sweet boys will only scorn you
That is why I’m singin’ to warn you

What do you get when you fall in love?
A boy who’s content to be your buddy
Cry in your sleep, your pillow’s bloody
I’ll never fall in love again
Dontcha know I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

The Shining: The Musical - Touring the Torrances

2010-07-27T11:15:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was Stanley Kubrick's birthday, and I was neglectful in noting it here. I offer the following to make amends...

(Sung to the tune of "Camelot")

It’s you! It’s you! The facts have made it clear
The Torrances are perfect for us here!

A crime occurred a distant moon ago here
A staffer gave his family the hook
But there is nothing frightening to know here
At Overlook
The winter enters heavy in December
But exits as a gentle bubbling brook
The coming months are ones that you’ll remember
At Overlook

Overlook! Overlook!
It’s Colorado’s hideaway
Why, at Overlook, Overlook
You may decide to stay
It feels a bit oppressive after sundown
But morning makes the shadows disappear
So let us take a look
At every crannied nook
You’ll find your home away from home right here
At Overlook!

Overlook! Overlook!
I know it seems a trifle large
But at Overlook, Overlook
We’re glad you’ll be in charge

Now right this way, our pantry is awaiting
Just look at all the food that you can cook
Eat ev’ry day, no dinner duplicating
At Overlook
(I can’t escape this feeling that I’ve seen him
Perhaps within a photo someone took
It’s best I made the effort to pre-screen him
For Overlook)

Overlook! Overlook!
And have you seen our famous maze?
Overlook! Overlook!
You’ll lose yourself for days!

Your tenure starts the first day of October
Departing April First, so that it’s clear
And on that day you’ll find
We’re hard to leave behind
Why, part of you may always be right here
At Overlook!

Twilight Zone: The Musical Revue - It's a Good Life

2010-07-26T23:34:00.003-05:00

I can so see Cloris Leachman singing this.

(Sung to the tune of "Children Will Listen")

Careful the things you say
Anthony listens
Careful the things you feel
Anthony hears
And knows
Careful for what you pray
Anthony answers
Anthony looks at you
A stare that could burn
Through layers of wood
Better to simply say
“Ev’rything’s good.”
Anthony listens

Careful the wish he makes
Wishes are deadly
You know the path he takes
Under the corn
The fields
Careful the song you sing
Any old medley
You know what it could bring
The horror it yields
And how we would mourn…

Life here is good and well
This is our Hell
Anthony listens…

Twilight Zone - The Musical Revue

2010-07-26T13:16:00.005-05:00

Since I've been using these intros to catch you up on where I am in this process, a few FYIs...

1) No, I've not abandoned The Exorcist as a source for musical material. In fact, there are at least two more songs coming in the next week or so. I'm just finding that certain lyrics are demanding they be committed to the blogosphere sooner than other, and I am ever their humble servant. Today's subject not to your taste? Tomorrow may be something different.

2) Please keep in mind that these songs are barely one or two steps removed from First Draft. They may undergo considerable reworking or rewriting once they're "up on their feet"...

3) ...as I definitely want to see these babies staged. Many of them are conceived with definite blocking or choreography in mind, and they are meant to live on breathe on the cabaret (or larger) stage. I'm pursuing avenues even as you read this, and if you are a possessor of a suitable venue, let's talk.

One recurring theme is going to be representative songs from a proposed Twilight Zone revue, the first being this plaintive entreaty from a towering, tome-toting Kanamit. This of course comes from the classic episode "To Serve Man," springing from the great minds of Damon Knight and Rod Serling...and now, Stephen Sondheim...

(Sung to the tune of "Not While I'm Around")

Nothing’s gonna harm you, not while we’re around
Don’t mean to alarm you humans, panic or confound.
We are a tenderhearted and peaceful race
Why else would we have charted our way through space?

Take our gifts of science, dreams you’d only dare
If you don’t abuse them, use them, they are ours to share
Tho' we seem alien at a glance, take a chance.
And you’ll find
Nothing’s gonna harm you, not while we’re around.

Not to worry, not to worry,
You may not be smart, but you’re not dumb
We can do it, nothing to it,
There is nothing we can’t overcome
Forces joined as one

Kanamits are very clever
But we’re always true
In all we do
We would never hide a thing from you
Like some…

Kanamits and Mankind working now as friends
Partnership that can bind Earth to undiscovered ends
Come, take my hand and let us start, trust your heart,
And you’ll find
Nothing’s gonna harm you, not while we’re around

Needless to say, this song has a reprise:

We are here to farm you, cattle in the field
No more need to charm you, our agenda is revealed
Starships are waiting to convey you in style
No hesitating, step this way, single file

Greater might controls you, you’re in for the worst
And if it consoles you, know that you are not the first
Think of the honor you should feel as a meal
For our kind
This is why we’ll farm you, long as you’re around

PS - There is of course a song that occurs between the two, taking the immortal "It's a cook book!" and playing out that moment with a song that originates from a more obscure show, but it's one of my favorites ("On the Twentieth Century" ) and is a helluva lotta fun. Keep watching -- I'm working hard to get it just right...

It's the Billy Loves Stu Horror Blogger Meme!

2010-07-24T10:48:00.007-05:00

Over at Billy Loves Stu, my good friend, the inimitable Pax Romano, has kicked off a meme for Horror bloggers, and it's a fun one, so here goes. In his honor, it's in a lovely shade of fuchsia.

1: In Ten Words or Less, Describe Your Blog:

Good Lord, Pax, it usually takes me a paragraph to clear my throat! But since I'm trying to make Heart in a Jar more representative of my recent creative burst, let's just say it's "A work in progress."

2: During What Cinematic Era Where you Born?

A: The Classic Horror Era (late 30's to 40's)

B: The Atomic Monster/Nuclear Angst Era (the late 40's through 50's)

C: The Psycho Era ( Early 60's)

D: The Rosemary's Baby Era (Mid to Late 60's)

E: The Exorcism Era (Early to mid 70's)

F: The Halloween Era (Late 70's to Early 80's)

G: The Slasher Era (Mid to late 80's)

H: The Self Referential/Post Modern Era (1990 to 1999)

I was born in the Psycho era, but really grew into my tastes during the Rosemary's Baby / Exorcist eras. How I long for the days when Horror was everywhere.

3: The Carrie Compatibility Question:

(gay men and straight women - make your choice from section A)

A: Billy Nolan or Tommy Ross, who would you take to the prom?

(straight guys and lesbians - make your choice from section B)

B: Sue Snell or Chris Hargensen, who would you take to the prom?

At the time, I would have been horribly torn. Guys like Billy sure made high school an unpleasant place, so I would have to say Tommy. Today I'm just looking for "kind." And "sweet." And "intelligent." And "talented." And "versatile." And...

4: You have been given an ungodly amount of money, and total control of a major motion picture studio - what would your dream Horror project be?

I'm going to cheat, and say that I'd like to be Executive Producer of a slick new re-vamp of "Night Gallery" as an HBO anthology series. As luck would have it, that dream took a considerable step toward reality this week. I'm still reeling!

5: What horror film "franchise" that others have embraced, left you cold?

To tell the truth, most of them. Sequelization has diluted almost everything it touches, even back to the classic era. I like my one-shots, which is probably why I enjoy my Horror short and and to the point.

6: Is Michael Bay the Antichrist?

Hell yes. I tried to organize a flash mob dancing to "Xanadu" to disrupt the Milwaukee & Chicago shooting of the latest Transformers travesty, but no takers. Slack asses.

7: Dracula, The Wolf Man, The Frankenstein Monster - which one of these classic villains scares you, and why?

I'll go with Wolfie, as I don't imagine I'd much enjoy being eaten alive. So to speak.

8: Tell me about a scene from a NON HORROR Film that scares the crap out of you:

The last 30 minutes of "Miracle Mile" from 1988, right down to the slow drone of an early warning siren playing out over the tail end of the credits.

9: Baby Jane Hudson invites you over to her house for lunch. What do you bring?

Sheet music. I know I'm gonna wind up at the piano.

10: So, between you and me, do you have any ulterior motives for blogging? Come, on you can tell me, it will be our little secret, I won't tell a soul.

I started the Jar when I was laid up with pneumonia, I suspended it when I was laid off, and re-started it as I'm laying out a slew of projects for stage and screen? Notice a trend?

11: What would you have brought to Rosemary Woodhouse's baby shower?

A contract for film and publishing rights.

12: Godzilla vs The Cloverfield Monster, who wins?

Well, the radioactive halitosis sure comes in handy for the Big G, but what about all those nasty parasites that are running loose? Either way, I think we lose.

13: If you found out that Rob Zombie was reading your blog, what would you post in hopes that he read it?

How much I enjoyed Hellbilly Deluxe, and how much I'd like to see him return to the recording studio and produce a proper follow-up. Take a decade if need be...

14: What is your favorite NON HORROR FILM, and why?

Network. That dialogue, that wit, those performances, with a pitch-black satirical heart beating within its breast. And ahead of its time like few other films.

15: If blogging technology did not exist, what would you be doing?

Blogging jump-started my need to write again after years of inactivity. Let's not consider the alternative, ok?

Little Shop of Gaga

2010-07-23T21:07:00.006-05:00

We interrupt our regularly-scheduled Exorcist: The Musical postings for a little side-step of a more contemporary nature. My good friend Jack is opening this weekend in a production of Little Shop of Horrors in Chicago, and some time during the day today, the idea for this just popped into my head, and hatched damn near fully developed. As I've said before, my brain is lately demonstrating a mind of its own, and the muse must be served, damn the consequences. So, in lieu of the song, "Feed Me," feel free to interject the following, set to the tune of - of course - "Bad Romance." The girls (Crystal, Chiffon and Rhonette) take a greater role in this version than in the Ashman/Menken original. Launch the following if you want to sing along...

GIRLS
Whooa…
Caught by a bad ol’ plant
Whooa…
Caught by a bad ol’ plant

AUDREY II
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
I’m such a bad plant (2x)

Don’t want your plant food that’s up on the shelf
Don’t want your fertilizer, eat it yourself
I want your blood
GIRLS
(Blood, blood, blood)
AUDREY II
I want your blood

Now listen, Seymour, you know what to do
You got enough inside your body for two
I want your blood
GIRLS
(Blood, blood, blood)
AUDREY II
I want your blood

You know that I want it
You know that I need it
‘Cause I’m a bad, bad plant

SEYMOUR
I’ll give you sunshine, I’ll give you the rain
But don’t ask me, cause you know I can’t
You get the pleasure, but I get the pain
And you’re nothing but a bad ol’ plant

GIRLS
Whooa…
Caught by a bad ol' plant
Whooa…
Caught by a bad ol' plant

AUDREY II
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
I’m such a bad plant

Cut up your finger, and just let it drip
Open an artery and gimme a sip
I want your blood
GIRLS
(Blood, blood, blood)
AUDREY II
I want your blood

Don’t wanna lose it? Oh, baby, that’s cool
Then go and get some blood from some other fool
I want some blood
GIRLS
(Blood, blood, blood)
AUDREY II
I need that blood

GIRLS
You know that he wants it
You know that he needs it
He’s just a bad, bad plant

SEYMOUR
Me kill somebody to bring you a meal?
Oh, that’s crazy, and you know I can’t
Sure, I may beg, borrow, possibly steal
But not murder for a bad ol’ plant

(Repeat Girls / Audrey chorus)

GIRLS (chanting)
A, B, AB, O
You know that he needs it so
A, B, AB, O
Look at how it makes him grow
A, B, AB, O
Do it fast or do it slow
A, B, AB, O
Murder is the way to go

SEYMOUR
You want some blood
AUDREY II
I don’t wanna be friends
SEYMOUR
You need some blood
AUDREY II
My life on it depends
SEYMOUR
You want a drink
AUDREY II
Gimme somthin’ to quench
SEYMOUR
Don’t understand…
AUDREY II
Boy, I ain’t talking French!
Let’s cut the crap
SEYMOUR
Feet, get ready to run
AUDREY II
Don’t take the rap
SEYMOUR
But it’s called Murder One
AUDREY II
Just find some guy
With a deviate soul
Who deserves to die
NOW FEED ME ASSHOLE!

SEYMOUR
All right, I hear you, you know I’m a slave
And your wish I cannot help but grant
I’ll get you all of the blood that you crave
But remember, you’re a bad ol’ plant

GIRLS
Whoooa…
Caught by a bad ol’ plant
Whoooa…
Caught by a bad ol’ plant

AUDREY II
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
Feed me, feed me, Seymour
I’m such a bad plant

Exorcist: The Musical - My Exorcist Things

2010-07-23T18:16:00.004-05:00

Ah, the dreaded List Song; bane to actors everywhere, who struggle with the order and can't recall what stanza they're in. Most musicals have them, and I choose to put mine here, after the implied question, "So what's in your bag, Father Merrin?"

(Sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things")

Gold crucifixes, their touch is corrosive
Water that’s blest. as a test, is explosive
More holy crap than the angels have wings
These are the things that an exorcist brings

One purple stole that is woven from satin
Ritual book, in both English and Latin
They’ll kick that demon right square in the ass
These are the things that an exorcist has

One pair of candles for when I say masses
One box of Kleenex to clean off my glasses
That comes in handy when wiping off shit
All in an exorcist’s traveling kit

When the bed shakes
When the room quakes
And I’m feeling scared
I simply remember my exorcist things
And know that I’m well prepared

Communion bread (but it really is Jesus)
Allergy med for when I get the sneezes
Pills for an old man’s diseases and aches
These are the things that an exorcist takes

Charcoal for lighting and incense for burning
Prayers to intone while her young head is turning
Gin in a flask, for I’m only so strong
(Keep that between us as we go along)

Lotions and gauze because wounds need repairing
One set of earplugs to block out the swearing
One little pillow for under my knees
All help me exorcise with expertise

When the night falls
When the dawn breaks
When all hope is gone
I simply collect all my exorcist things
And exorcise on…and on!

Exorcist: The Musical - Ellen's Lament

2010-07-21T22:24:00.004-05:00

A few points to make before we get to the lyrics of this next offering -

1) At one point during this project I had decided that all of the songs for one spoofed movie would all come from the same musical, and clearly you can see that my initial inspiration was "Oklahoma!" for The Exorcist. However, I soon decided that this was an unnecessary restriction on my part, especially when I found that there were songs from other musicals that would work too well for me to discard -- and this one was the decisive factor.

2) In Frank Jacobs' Mad Magazine parodies, he would invariably have the actors portraying the roles step out of character to provide a meta-commentary their involvement with the project. This goes beyond "breaking the fourth wall," and was really ahead of its time, demonstrating clever knowledge of the industry and never pandering to the viewer (or in Jacobs' case, reader). I'm keeping that convention for special moments, and promise not to abuse it.

3) For those unfamiliar with the making of The Exorcist, William Friedkin was famous for pushing his performers to extremes to get extreme results. In one bedroom sequence, Burstyn is flung across the room and strikes the wall, crying out in pain. The director wasn't satisfied with the level of realism he was getting from her, and instructed the harness operators to yank the mechanism as hard as they could. The moment captured on film is real; Burstyn's wail of anguish is genuine, and the actress says that she still deals with the aftermath of the injury to this day. I say up front that these lyrics are merely offered as parody, as I have the utmost respect for Ms. Burstyn, and in no way wish to make light of her injury or its aftermath; they should be sung with all the rue and pathos of Desiree in "A Little Night Music."

(Sung to the tune of "Send in the Clowns")

Isn't it rich?
Aren't we a pair?
Me here in pain on the ground
Blair in mid-air
Send in the crowds

Am I in shock?
What did I prove?
Thought I could do my own stunts
Now I can't move
All for the crowds
Send in the crowds

Started the scene, opened the door
Showed great emotion, but no, Friedkin wanted much more
Tightened the harness so firm that I let out a yelp
Where am I now?
Calling for help

Wasn't I warned
It could be so?
Hackman said he almost bought it
Two years ago
But we love the crowds
Send in the crowds

For my next role
Won't it be bliss?
Martin Scorsese would never treat someone like this
I'll win an Oscar for "Alice" and then turn the page
Hope I can walk
Up to the stage

Don't you love Horror?
Don't you love fear?
How come I wanted to do this to my career?
It's all for the crowds
They'll send the crowds
Now...give me that beer!

Exorcist: The Musical - Here's Merrin!

2010-07-21T11:37:00.007-05:00

(Sung to the tune of "Oh What a Beautiful Morning")

There's a dark angry fog over Georgetown
There's a dark angry fog over Georgetown
In the air is a chill, it's so horribly still
Is the Devil himself coming 'round for the kill?

Oh what an ominous evening
Oh what an ominous day
I've got a terrible feeling
Satan is coming my way

There's a bright shining light from the window
Such a bright shining light from the window
Glowing like a marquee, it's not easy to see
As a man 'cross the street takes a photo of me

Chorus

I've a terrible sense of foreboding
So completely consumed by foreboding
Paid my fare to the hack, but he's not coming back
And I'm suddenly homesick for Northern Iraq

Chorus

The Exorcist -- The Musical!

2010-07-20T21:38:00.007-05:00

Well, I knew that eventually it was gonna come to this. One cannot spend a lifetime equally enraptured with the worlds of Horror and Broadway Musicals without someday wanting to get a little chocolate in the peanut butter, and vice-versa. And I've definitely been feeling more creative than analytical of late. A few nights back I spent a considerable amount of time on the Interwebs looking for material on Frank Jacobs, perhaps the longest-serving writer in the history of Mad Magazine. He's been something of a comedic jack of all trades, but for those of us who grew up in the 1970s, nothing surpassed his brilliant musical parodies, especially when he turned his talent to creating tuners out of decidedly non-musical property, utilizing his deep affection for classic Broadway repertoire, and a marvelous ear for scansion. Take Jaws, to the tune of "On the Street Where You Live" --

I have never felt such great fear before
I have also never sung to sharks out here before

But, to the best of my knowledge, he never tackled a musical Horror movie. And so, in that, uh, vein, let's begin a series of posts with humble lyrical aspirations -- to weld the glory of song to great moments in the Horror canon. And let's begin with that 1973 Oscar winner, The Exorcist. We'll do one song lyric per posting, not necessarily in chronological order, until I get tired of each movie and move on to the next. And by the time we're done, we'll have enough material for a delightful, demented review. So...the dry ice is ready to be dropped into the buckets, the conductor's baton stands at attention, and we bring you the first tune from The Exorcist - The Musical!

(sung to the tune of "Oklahoma!")

Ohhhhhh Pazuzu!
When the bed starts rockin' on the floor
You can see your breath
And know your death
Is a-standin' right outside the door

Ohhhhhh Pazuzu!
Ev'ry night these holy men will try
To repel the Beast
So ev'ry priest
Can avoid that pea soup in the eye

Oh we know her behavior is odd

But we know she belongs to our God

And so we pray (crash!)
An Adoramus te (pow!)
Because we're sayin'
You're outtta line, Oh Pazuzu
Oh Pazuzu...go 'way!

Tuesday Terror Trivia for 7/20!

2010-07-20T10:11:00.002-05:00

In the 1970s a breakfast cereal was introduced to capitalize on kids' obsession with all things monstrous. A cadre of strange creatures were the mascots for this product, and they lived in a dark, mysterious forest under a magical tree, said tree producing the sugary breakfast food you were certain to consume that morning. Now, I don't want to know the name of the product (that would be too easy, and we are NEVER about easy here). Who was the legendary Hollywood character actor who narrated the extended TV commercial that introduced these little monsters to the public? (He would go on to become a reliable presence in many upcoming Horror films of the decade.)

Make Up Like Shakespeare!

2010-07-19T21:45:00.004-05:00

Jarheads, what a day this was...

What started out as a cool little time-waster on my part suddenly transmogrified into a moment of national exposure, as my contributions to the Twitter feed #ShakesPalin suddenly took on a life of their own, and my fondness for things political and theatrical combined with my love of wordplay garnered the notice of no less than Time Magazine, among others.

It was, to say the least, a blast.

But my coup de grace, my coup de theatre, my piece de resistance (ok, I'll stop now) would be to take Cole Porter's "Kiss Me Kate" crowd-pleaser "Brush Up Your Shakespeare," and Tweet it, line by line, over the Interweb. Here, with as many lines as you might require for the number of curtain calls you'll need, and to be delivered like a stock performer in an Edward G. Robinson gangster flick, is...

MAKE UP LIKE SHAKESPEARE

Make up like Shakespeare!

Start coining new woids!

Make up like Shakespeare

Though they think you're for the boids!

If you're queried by Katie of Couric / Just declare an 'Alas, my poor Yurick!

If you've never read Coriolanus / Then a pit bull with lipstick's your canis!

If the ghosts in Macbeth are a chiller / Well, that act never played in Wasiller!

If the dress that you wear is a rental / Be like Kate, as a shrew, temper'mental!

If you think Africa is a nation / Lemme tell ya, Ot'ello ain't Haitian!

Quote some Reagan to those you are pitchin' / Though Cordelia and Gon'ril start bitchin'!

And if Titus Andronicus scares ya / Hell, the rest of the nation bewares ya!

And if Bristol's young Romeo will wed'er / Just recall, at the end, no one's dead'er!

And if no one who's thinkin' will heed ya / Blame that ol' liberal lamestream media!

If the Bush Doc-tor-ine is yer folly / Smile and wonder, "In what respect, Cholly?'

If yer phone calls from France are so cozy / Verify that the guy is Sarkozy!

Though the death toll in Hamlet's abhorrent / Say Barack will sign Gramma's death warrant!

And if just like Ophelia yer nutty / Change the topic: "My daughter ain't slutty!

Though they claim you're a blameless virago / Look what buck-passing did for Iago!

If a Ground Zero mosque has ya hatin' / Swap a 'P' and be refudiatin'!

Make up like Shakespeare

Watch the Right kowtow

(Oh Todd!)

And the Left will vow

(You betcha!)

This all...ends...Now!

Tuesday Terror Trivia for 7/13!

2010-07-13T21:48:00.002-05:00

Depending upon which European country you called home, the international poster for this late 80's Horror release was printed one way, and turned completely upside down in other nations. In fact, some countries pulled this topsy-turvy trick when the movie was released to video. What is the name of this movie?

Hey, Hey, Come Out & Prey (Keep 'em Separated)

2010-07-09T21:30:00.006-05:00

Film Review - PREDATORS (2010)
Screenplay by Alex Litvak and Michael Finch
Based on characters by Jim Thomas and John Thomas
Directed by Nimrod Antal

If Predators was a Marvel Comic circa 1977, it would come embossed with a yellow hype balloon on its cover, shouting "Trapped in a world they never made!" Indeed, it's best when enjoying Predators -- and I did enjoy Predators -- to keep expectations about at the level of a good classic page-turner of a four-color pulp. There's much about the project that feels comfortably old-fashioned, from its steady but insistent tempo to its John Williams-influenced score. Save for the advancements in special effects, it plays like a last gasp of the 80s, and a worthy successor to the 1987 franchise-launcher.

Talk about starting a movie in mid-action; we are plunged into the story along with protagonist Adrien Brody, plucked from the battlefield and catapulted across space to land with a thump in an overgrown jungle of unearthly mien. Before he has time to ask how, when and where, he's joined by a septet of diverse warriors and assassins, including Alice Braga, Danny Trejo and - incongruously - Topher Grace, a physician who seems planted there to serve as either a millstone or bait. Owing a sizable debt to Frederic Brown and his SF classic "Arena" (also the basis for a classic episode of Star Trek), they soon deduce that they are on an extraterrestrial game preserve, there for the hunting -- and if you don't know who the hunters are, you didn't look at the poster on your way into the theater. They are culled from the best (worst?) that Planet Earth has to offer when it comes to lethal ability; from Yakuza to serial killer to Special Ops, each one knows how to kill you before you ever see the blade. And the Predators, those heat-visioned translucent wraiths equally adept in the ways of murder, and sporting their spiny, fangy take on a bloodhound, are there to study and learn.

When it comes to ensemble casts in action films, I have lowered my expectations over the years, and find myself perfectly satisfied if both screenplay and performances collude just enough to enable me to tell the characters apart, and on that limited level, Predators succeeds. The script gives you just enough hints at each killer's background, and the actors flesh out the rest. In the case of Brody, he's really fleshed out, as his newly-honed physique brings some appreciative murmurs from the audience, but to me, his torso was lit to appear like a body-cast. In the climax, he looks waxy and prefabricated, as though an Exacto knife could carve a divot out of his chest. The body he sported earlier this year in Splice would have been adequate and quite believable for what he's required to do here. (It says something that so much ink has been spilled over his makeover, but this really isn't the kind of film where you ponder the intricacy of his inner monologue, if you catch what I'm throwing down.)

My vote for Predators' MVP goes to director Antal, prior helmer of Armored and Vacancy (for his next film title, can't we at least gift him with a definite article?), who has a clean and direct style, far removed from the School of Michael Bay. I found myself marveling at the pace, which was deliberate enough to allow us the sense of discovery shared by the actors, but also aware of just when to pop the clutch and floor it. This above all else made the movie a welcome anachronism for me; not only does it exist in the time before video games, but it even appears untouched by the MTV video revolution of quick cuts and attention-deficit editing. Some may find it a tad soporific, but for me it felt just right.

Predators is one of the few movies not playing in 3D at my local theater - and I can't believe I'm saying this, given my revulsion over the format - it's one that I could see logically benefiting from the process. The joys of the movie are all rooted in immersion, that old SF trope of being beamed into an alien world, and catching up on the details as you go along...if you live that long. Add the Agatha Christie motif of not knowing who is going to buy the farm next, as well as some character reversals and a special guest star who may not be all that he seems (or even all there), and you have in Predators something that has been conspicuous in its absence from the Summer of 2010; a genuine popcorn B-movie, and about as filling. On a humid July night when it's impossible to inhale without ingesting a lungful of mosquitoes, Predators produces.

(Now, if this was a Marvel Comic, I would have to stake my claim for a No-Prize -- that is, an apparent error in continuity that I would then solve to the eventual delight of Stan Lee. Here goes...Why does one character immediately recognize a poisonous flower on what is ultimately revealed to be an alien world? OK, in an effort to make the jungle as acceptable an environment as possible to the humans, the Predators also transported indigenous flora, including a flower that was, like both humans and aliens, a predator itself. Cool, huh? 20th Century Fox, I shall be expecting my No-Prize in the customary No-Envelope. And you're welcome.)

The Heart, It's...It's...Escaping the Jar!

2010-07-09T08:11:00.003-05:00

Continuing my well-intentioned though ultimately impotent efforts at world domination, please be advised, gentle Jarheads, that I am now communicating with the world through Twitter -- though, for a bird my size, it's a bitch finding a tree branch strong enough to support me.

https://twitter.com/spsenski

And for those of you musically inclined, I exercise my old dj muscles on blip.fm -

http://blip.fm/soul_shear

(Yep, Soul-Shear, as in "Soul-shearing, mind-numbing, senses-shattering Horror!" I am such a comic book geek.)

Finally, as always, feel free to Facebook friend Steve Senski. I've been told I'm funnier in short form.

Yep, Rupert Murdoch ain't got nothin' on The Jar, peoples. Just like Arch Oboler's Chicken Heart, this Heart shall eventually consume all that is. And so that this post has at least a modicum of entertainment value, and for those unfamiliar with the previous reference, I submit the following for your approval.

Noble, But No Prize

2010-07-08T18:35:00.005-05:00

I've been on something of a high today because of the overall quality of this morning's Emmy nominations. I'm as pleased as can be that the voters showered a remarkable amount of (much deserved) love upon ABC's Modern Family, especially my personal favorite - and someone that all the entertainment sources discounted when making their predictions - Jesse Tyler Ferguson. His Mitchell is certainly one of the less-flashy characters in the ensemble, but it's such a sweet, delicately-modulated performance of a buttoned-down soul constantly nudged outside his comfort zone by his effusive partner Cameron (the fearless Eric Stonestreet.) And while Mitchell vs. The Pigeon may wind up alongside Lucy & the Conveyor Belt and Carol Burnett's "Went With the Wind" dress in TV comedy history, it's the subtle moments (catch that smile at the end of the Clown Moment) that had to make the voters sit up and notice. Ferguson's nomination, as well as the nods for other out performers as Neil Patrick Harris, Jane Lynch, Ian McKellan and Chris Colfer, made me feel like this was a watershed day in entertainment history.

And since this is ostensibly a Horror blog, kudos must also go to the creative powers behind True Blood, scoring one of the six Best Drama nods. There is much grousing on the Interwebs today about the failure of the voters to recognize any of the actors, but I confess that this feels about right to me. The show is such pulpy and propulsive fun that the style of acting required is not exactly - let me be delicate - subtle, and no one would truly warrant a statuette if consistency in a dialect was the criterion. No, the marvelous achievement is that a series of Horror - and heart-ripping, blood-gushing, loins-thrusting Horror at that - received a Best Drama nomination. Pretty damn incredible when you stop to think about it.

But there was one other nomination I was pushing today, one that some in the entertainment biz went so far as to say was a front-runner for a Supporting Actor in Drama nod. In the past two seasons of Fringe, John Noble's performance as Walter Bishop, a brilliant scientist living within the wreckage of his own mind, has been nothing less than stunning. Possessor of secrets of another dimension, Bishop struggles to find his way in the world after chunks of his brain were literally mined from his skull; what cerebellum remains sparks to life in ways often uncontrollable and unpredictable...but his genius endures. As strong as Noble's work was in the premiere season, he surpassed it in the second, as we witnessed three other Walter Bishops -- the scientist before his brain was stolen, as well as the "Walternate," both the other dimension's equally-brilliant pre-1985 scientist, and his present-day persona, as America's icily malevolent Secretary of Defense. That man is willing, even eager, to sacrifice his only son Peter to destroy our dimension, while our Walter would do anything to save him, evidenced by the impetuous way he plucked alt-Peter from the other side years ago to save his life...and raise him as his own.

Whew. How much more could one series ask of an actor? Why, they all but asked Noble to sing. Strike that; he DID sing in a musical episode that had Fringe-ophiles worried at the outcome, but wound up as a charming tangent that happened at a moment of deep pain and apprehension in the season's storyline. I repeat - What more could they ask of John Noble?

It wasn't enough. Even though his cause was championed by many in entertainment reportage, the Academy demonstrated its long-held aversion to Science Fiction, or, in the case of Fringe, Sci-Horror. (And another thought: I've long wondered why the series has failed to receive any substantive coverage by my fellow Horror bloggers. Granted, I'm certainly one to talk, as this is my first posting concerning the show, but considering that creator J.J. Abrams launched it with the intent of making it "Rod Serling meets David Cronenberg," a description it certainly merits, Fringe has been a decided persona non grata in the Horror blogosphere.)

Oh well, there's always next year. Since the Third Season promises a good many scenes on the Other Side, it should certainly give Noble ample opportunities to display his prodigious talents. But how any Emmy voter could view even ten minutes of last season's episode "Peter" and not write Noble's name at the top of their ballot is a mystery that may be too complex for even the Fringe Unit to solve.

Tuesday Terror Trivia for 7/6!

2010-07-06T19:58:00.002-05:00

The music video for this mid-80s One Hit Wonder culminates in a horrific discovery, as police find rows upon rows of bagged bodies, suspended from a warehouse ceiling like hunks of meat. Each corpse has been drained of blood, evident by telltale bite marks on each victim's neck. Name the song and artist whose video climaxes with such a grisly scene.

My Heart Redivivus

2010-07-06T19:39:00.002-05:00

It beats again.

It's been almost a month since my last posting, Jarheads, and I hope it doesn't come as too much of a surprise as to why I have been AWOL from regular missives. As regular readers know, Yours Truly was summarily released from his job in mid-April in a manner that was truly beneath contempt, and sent me into quite the spiral. I am gratified that a good many people were also upset by my abrupt dismissal, and the reverberations continue to echo and re-echo, much to my employer's chagrin. But for a good two month period, friends, I confess -- I never again want to experience depression lower than that. But what was once a famine of potential work has suddenly turned into a feast, and I can say with great confidence that I'll be coming out of this sad situation in a much improved professional and financial situation. I know that there are many readers of this blog who were sending me lots of positive thoughts and prayers - 2010 has been a rough year so far - and I thank you for them from the bottom of my jarred heart.

But while others may turn to their bloggage as a means of coping with a rough patch, I have learned that I need to do it from a position of (relative) security and comfort. At long last I can say that I'm at that point, and so...let the fearsome thoughts fly again!

It's good to be back.

Tuesday Terror Trivia for 6/8!

2010-06-08T06:54:00.003-05:00

OK, today is kind of a tough one. (And I can hear you saying, oh, like the others ones weren't?) Since the millennium turned, there was a month-long stretch at the box office when Horror really ruled. Within a 29 day period, three Horror movies were released, each one opening up at #1 at the box office. But here's what made this so interesting - not a one of them was a remake, nor part of a franchise. And just to show that the audience hadn't lost its taste for the terrifying, two weeks later another #1 debut for a movie based on established Horror source material. All right, then; four movies, all Horror, all stand-alone originals, all box office champs on opening weekend, within a span of only 42 days. Name any or all of these four movies.